Actually, I KNOW she is. but I’m just now figuring it out.
When i was younger my mom drank wine all day long, like how other mothers would drink soda. She was just thirsty and it was just a drink. Sometimes she would drink too much wine, and get very very mad at my sister and I, for no apparent reason. She would push us around a little. Not enough to leave bruises or really hurt us. but i knew it wasn’t my moms fault. it was the wine.
When i got older (maybe i understood more, or noticed more, or maybe i was just with my friends more) I noticed that my friends’ parents didn’t drink any alcohol! and if they did it was at a party, or on the weekends, or with dinner. They never got mad for no reason, they never pushed their kids down, or pulled their hair.
I remember having multiple conversations with my dad. He told me that he was going to divorce her and i was so happy. looking back, that’s sick. No 8 year old should be happy about hearing that.
but my parents are still together and my mom still drinks.
He told her she had to get a job. If she got a job, then she couldn’t drink during the day, right? WRONG. She just starts drinking the second she gets off work, 2pm…. There’s a 5 O’Clock rule, isn’t there?
All though out middle school, i knew my mom drank more than other parents. But i didn’t think it was too abnormal! I thought it was just a matter of preference.
When i got to high school i noticed more about her. Mostly the people around her. People make jokes, “Oh Alicia is drunk again. haha classic,” My neighbor told me that she knows better than to call my house past 5pm, because she knew my mom wouldn’t remember anything past that time. My high school boyfriend’s mom (AT’s mom) sat me down alone one day, held my hands and said “It must be so hard living in a home with that kind of environment. If you ever need to move in, or even just get away you’re always welcome here.”
It was embarrassing, and annoying. Dealing with a drunk person is not fun. Dealing with a drunk person every day of your life is hell.
So i went to college and didn’t have to deal with it. It was really great! I knew to call my mom the second she got off work! and if i needed to call late i always called my dad’s cell. If i came home on the weekends, i always made plans for the evening, or told my parents i had a TON of homework and asked them not to bother me. I was handling it well (little did i know those aren’t things you should have to be doing when you come HOME)
Now it’s summer. and i’m back. I already wrote a generic post about why you should stay in your college town for summer. This in an extra reason for me.
At college i gained experience with alcohol. I learned for myself it’s not okay (and i’m not sure how it’s even possible) to drink an entire box of wine every day of the week, and a handle of VO on the weekends. but i’m grown up, i’m here for the summer. it’s just something i have to deal with (hide from).
Tonight my attitude changed.
Today i had an AWFUL day at work. So i’m kind of on edge. My dad is asleep and my mom is noticeably drunk(er than usual). she’s smoking a cig in the garage and i notice there’s a shot of VO poured for herself on the table. I quickly toss it in the sink and convince her that she must have already taken it (yes. she is that drunk). I put the liquor under the cabinet (where it is normally stored) hoping for the “Out of sight, out of mind” theory to work.
I hop in the shower and before i know it there’s loud banging on my door. “Where is it?! what did you do with it. Where’s my whisky? You’re going to hell.” this goes on for about 15 to 20 minutes. The entire duration of my shower i don’t say anything and hope she gets tired and goes to bed. (she didn’t)
I opened the door to leave the bathroom when she basically pushes me over to barge in. Still screaming and begging for her alcohol. I told her “No mom I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t have your alcohol.”
I go in my room to get dressed. she starts banging on my bedroom door. “You’re a liar. I know you stole it.”
I’m used to this. I turn off my lights and pretend to sleep for a while.
I hear her laugh. “Well i found your alcohol (as if i was hiding it. lol) and i sure do like this wine of yours.” *glug glug glug* as i can hear her chugging it.
Side note. I’ve had that bottle of wine since the winter time. I have much more self control than my mother. I felt like i was contradicting myself by complaining about an alcoholic mother while having a stash of alcohol. but i swear i DO NOT get like this. I drink responsibly and rarely. I also don’t beat up people when i drink.
I open the door, walk upstairs, and pull out the whisky in front of her. I look her in the eyes and say “You’re pathetic. Keep my wine; you need it more than i do.” Walk down stairs and get ready for bed.
Back she comes. Banging on my door. I open it. “Fuck you. Fuck your alcohol.”
“okay mom. goodnight.”
“don’t tell me goodnight, you can’t tell me when to go to bed. fuck you. You’re going to hell.”
“okay mom. I’m going to bed, Talk to you tomorrow.”
She throws three of my full beer cans at me. Luckily she’s drunk and has awful aim so she only hits me with one. She swings at me with a wine bottle, but i grab it out of her hands before it hits me. She did not like that. She snatched a fist full of my hair and started pulling me to the ground.
I pushed her into the pool table about the same time my dad woke up. My mom runs to him, pointing at her scratched arm from my push and says, “She wont leave me alone Larry! she pushed me!”
Like bitch, you just ran from MY room. Who isn’t leaving who alone? But my dad is not an idiot, he’s dealt with this before. He asks me what really happened; my mom throwing a fit with every word i say. “Well I only pulled your hair because you pushed me.” yes, i pushed you off of me while you were slinging glass bottles around.
My dad says “That’s it. we’re not buying whisky anymore.” for the 100,000th time. He dumps the remaining quarter of a handle down the sink (Yes. she drank 3/4 of a handle of whisky in one day) for the 100,000th time.
naturally, my mom starts smacking and punching him. He pushes her off of him and she runs into the dogs water and spills it everywhere. Starts screaming about the mess he made and how it’s all his fault and how he abused her.
At this point i decided that she was my dads problem now. My sister comes home and i fill her in on my night. For the next three or four hours we sat outside and chatted about all the different ways mom fucked us up.
If you knew my sister at all, or our relationship, you would know this is VERY strange. we never talk about feelings or problems. That’s not how our family works. There’s things that my mom did to my sister that i learned about tonight that sicken me. I’m sure that goes both ways.
Tomorrow morning, before she starts drinking, I’m going to tell her to quit. If she can’t quit, go to AA. If she refuses, I’m moving out and not speaking to her until she quits.
I don’t want to be here anymore.